Let's cut the bullshit and start the judging, dear readers.
KEIRA KNIGHTLEY in New York City
gown by Valentino
Photo: Broadimage
Keira Knightley, will you stay on the red carpet forever, please? Your ethereal whimsy always seems elegant and lovely, in contrast to the hipster-bullshit Coachella fashion all the kids seem to be wearing today. Your dress is covered in birds, some of which appear to be positively shitting feathers all over you, AND IT'S AWESOME. Please, teach us your magical secrets, you fabulous woodland nymph of a woman.
KEIRA KNIGHTLEY in New York City
dress by Erdem
Photo: Andrew H. Walker/Getty
I love this. Color, texture, silhouette, accessories - it's all perfect.
KEIRA KNIGHTLEY in New York City
dress by Valentino
Photo: FameFlynet
Gorgeous. I loved the high neckline, which looked superb on television. (She wore this for her interview on The Daily Show, which I happened to be watching while writing this. She looked divine.)
ELLE FANNING in Tokyo
gown by Alexander McQueen
Photo: Jun Sato/WireImage
It's a lot of look for such a little slip of a girl, but it also combines the Disney princess aesthetic she's been working for Maleficent with her love of the hippie-hobo-chic-festival-fashion aesthetic I was complaining about earlier. She makes it work, mostly because she's actually young enough for that style to be new and appealing to her, so it doesn't feel so much like pretentious bullshit. But she managed to wear a tiered gown without looking like a cupcake, which is an impressive feat. So even though I feel like I should hate this, I'm a little bit in love with it. Go figure.
ELLE FANNING in Tokyo
dress by Lanvin
Photo: Kento Nara/Future Image/WENN
Come on, girl. Those shoes are aggressively ugly. They're almost proud of how hideous they are. Burn them in a fire, please.
NIEVES ÁLVAREZ in Madrid
gown and purse by Elie Saab, shoes by Jimmy Choo
Photo: Juan Naharro Gimenez/Getty
This dream of a gown was my red carpet prediction for Elizabeth Banks, but Spanish supermodel Nieves Álvarez stole it away from her and worked the shit out of it. Simply divine.
NICOLA PELTZ in Shanghai
gown by Giambattista Valli
Photo: Hong Wu/Getty
Nineteen-year-old Nicola Peltz is the new starlet to watch on the red carpet. She's the female lead in the new Transformers movie, because apparently each consecutive movie has to cast an even younger and more beautiful woman than the already-young-and-beautiful woman from the previous film. (Sorry, Megan Fox and Rosie Huntington-Whiteley. You've been replaced.) Next year's movie will probably star the world's most gorgeous fetus. Anyway, the pouty teenager knows how to dress (or has hired someone who does), as evidenced by this stunning couture gown. Yes, we're all tired of peplums, but the cascading white flowers are really stunning. I'm not in love with the texture of the skirt – I think it looks a little cheap next to the luxurious fabrics in the bodice – but it's a killer look for a red carpet newcomer.
NICOLA PELTZ in New York City
gown by Balenciaga
Photo: Omar Reyes/Landov
For a moment, I thought this gown was Nicola's best look of the week, and from the front, it certainly is. But all the simple, captivating beauty of the front of the gown was seriously impeded by… whatever the hell this is:
Photo: Rob Kim/Getty
Is it a bustle? A bow? Has she sprouted little blue wings? What am I even looking at, dear readers?
CAMILLA BELLE in Los Angeles
dress, belt, and purse by Kate Spade
Photo: Owen Kolasinski/BFAnyc/Sipa
This might be the best daytime summer look I've ever seen. Many of my favorite red carpet looks don't exactly translate well to real people's wardrobes, but wouldn't we all look fabulous in this outfit? I mean, I can't be trusted in heels around a pool, because I am way too clumsy for that shit and would end up in the water in no time at all. But assuming I was going to wear a cocktail dress poolside, this is the one I'd wear, especially with those accessories.
DIANE KRUGER in Los Angeles
top and skirt by Roland Mouret, purse by Pierre Hardy, shoes by Stuart Weitzman
Photo: Splash News
God. She's so beautiful I sometimes have trouble looking directly at her. Can we give a little cheer for her colorist and makeup artist? Because those blonde highlights and the faux-natural makeup are looking even more terrific than usual. Anyway, love the crop top and the idea of pop of color in the shoes, but the combination of mint green nail polish, a black-and-white striped purse, and bright yellow shoes doesn't really work for me.
EMMY ROSSUM in Los Angeles
dress and purse by Kate Spade
Photo: Owen Kolasinski/BFAnyc/Sipa
Cute as a button, this one. The color and cut of this dress are absolutely perfect for her, even if the accessories make her look a bit like a Barbie doll.
OLIVIA MUNN in New York City
vest and shorts by Peter Pilotto, shoes by Christian Louboutin
Photo: Pacific Coast News
Apparently, bright yellow pumps are the new go-to accessory. I usually hate everything Olivia Munn wears, but there's something so fun and summer-in-the-city chic about this.
OLIVIA MUNN in New York City
dress by Vionnet, shoes by Casadei
Photo: Johns PKI/Splash News
Never wear a pleated dress that matches your skin tone exactly, or you will look like your entire body is covered in very symmetrical wrinkles.
ANGELINA JOLIE in Tokyo
dress by Atelier Versace, shoes by Saint Laurent
Photo: Jun Sato/WireImage
Boring as shit but impossibly fierce. Those are usually mutually exclusive, but not when it comes to Angelina Jolie's wardrobe.
JESSICA ALBA in Istanbul
gown by Romona Keveza, purse by Jenny Packham
Photo: S. Alemdar/Getty
Right, because we've never seen a gold strapless mermaid gown before. Give me something worth blogging about, for God's sake.
LEA MICHELE in Los Angeles
gown by Paule Ka, shoes by Casadei
Photo: Mathew Imaging/WireImage
Lea, darling. You're spray-tanning so often that you look permanently covered in orange oil. It's time for an intervention.
LIV TYLER in New York City
dress by Stella McCartney
Photo: Walter McBride/Getty
Great eye makeup, but if I see one more fucking fringed asymmetrical Stella McCartney with some stupid giant swoop on it, I may actually vomit all over my laptop. And then Stella McCartney will owe me one laptop.
LI BINGBING in New York City
gown by Giambattista Valli
Photo: Rob Kim/Getty
I usually love to see Chinese superstar Li Bingbing (no relation to Chinese superstar Fan Bingbing) on the red carpet, but her Transformers press tour has been a walking nightmare. Here, Li wears something that I suppose is called a gown, but is really a hideous amalgamation of a bandeaux top, a supersized peplum, and a mermaid skirt. A woman this beautiful should not have to wear clothing this ugly, but sadly, it only gets worse from here.
LI BINGBING in Shanghai
gown by Stéphane Rolland
Photo: Hong Wu/Getty
Um, where is the other half of her skirt?
LI BINGBING in Beijing
jumpsuit by Erdem
Photo: Lintao Zhang/Getty
This is the most horrible thing to happen to fashion since Kim Kardashian started getting invited to red carpet events.
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© Democracy Diva, 2014.
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